When Children Have Children

There is probably not a parent of a teenage daughter that has not thought of and shuddered at the possibility of that daughter becoming pregnant. Most parents of sons probably do not worry about this as much, but they should because the sin of fornication and immorality is not one-sided. And, by the way, it is sin whether she becomes pregnant or not. This subject is so emotional for some that they simply refuse to think objectively through it. There is real pain here. How do we deal with it? What do we do?

Several years ago a survey was conducted among teens in the churches of Christ, and I would like to share some of the results of that survey. 71.5% were virgins; 6% had experienced some form of incest; 12% had used drugs (including alcohol) to enhance promiscuous activity; 15% looked at some form of pornography from occasionally to once a week; 34% said their parents were extremely influential concerning their sexual beliefs and behavior; 11% felt a strong need to conform to peer pressure, while 38% were able to resist it, but with great difficulty; and 46% said the media had a major impact on their sexual behavior. These statistics are more than twenty years old and I do not imagine things have gotten better in the meantime.

Scripture addresses some of these same areas. Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals" (1 Corinthians 15:33). "I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one" (John 17:15). Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul (1 Peter 2:11). The statistics above prove that the concerns addressed by these and other Scriptures are real and dangerous.

When something like this happens in your family statistics might as well be thrown out the window. You may be armed with the all the latest statistical information on the sexual behavior of young people, but when your daughter turns up pregnant, or your son impregnates someone else's daughter, you could not care less about those statistics. Suddenly, instead of asking, "How can I keep this from happening in my family?" you have other questions racing through your mind: "How did this happen to my child?" "Where did I go wrong?" "What are people going to think?" "What are the people at church going to say?" "How can I ever face them?" Those are all normal questions that most people ask, but notice that not one of them dealt with the pain and the needs of that teenager.

Satan has struck a blow against your family in this case. It is true that most people will first think of themselves in reeling from such a blow, although not all will. It is so important to be strong spiritually before this happens so as to better withstand such a thing. A good parent is going to soon recover from the shock and begin to work to help this child through a crisis situation. New questions should be asked: "How does a 12, 13, or 14-year-old deal with a problem like this?" "What help is there available to a family dealing with this?" "What should we do with the baby?"

Let us try to answer these questions from a Biblical perspective. An adolescent who is thrust into a grown-up world by promiscuity cannot deal with this alone. He (or she) needs God, first and foremost (Matthew 11:28). One of the results of the survey mentioned above showed that a number of teens felt that this sin was unforgivable. As serious as it ranks in our minds and as painful as it is in our families, this is not an unforgivable sin. The first thing this child should remember is that God still says, "Come to Me...I will give you rest..." While the child can survive with only God on his or her side, these children really need their parents to let them know they still love them, they understand the temptations the children fell prey to, and they are going to stand beside them and help them through this. The command for parents to bring their children up in the diligence and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) is still in effect. This is a wonderful opportunity to teach our children how to respond to adversity (James 1:2-4). One of the hardest things for this child and the family to do is come to church, once word gets out. A strong Christian family can survive this ordeal without the support of a loving, compassionate church, but a loving, compassionate church can do much to heal this kind of pain. The Bible does not allow the church to tolerate sin (1 Corinthians 5:1-7); however, we are not allowed to turn away from one who has repented, either (2 Corinthians 2:5-8). This really answers the question about what help there is available to a family in this situation. God, a loving family and a loving church all play a big role in helping a family survive this kind of pain.

The question about what to do with the baby is a hot topic today. Let me say flatly and unequivocally that abortion is simply not an option if one is interested in God's will. There is just no excuse for killing an innocent child to cover up someone else's sin. Some families decide to give up the child for adoption, and that is a legitimate option. Other families decide to keep the baby; just because a child is conceived through a sinful act does not mean that child cannot bring joy and blessing to a household just like any other child. That baby is a beautiful and precious gift from God (Psalm 127:4, 5).

I know this is an emotional issue when it happens to your family. It is a problem that terrifies many parents of adolescents and many simply cannot see beyond the sin to a possible solution. It is true that this particular sin (promiscuity - immorality), that results in pregnancy, is one that has a permanent physical consequence, unlike some other sins (we should remember that all sins of which we do not repent have a permanent spiritual consequence). However, that consequence does not mean the sinner cannot be forgiven. It does not mean that this sin cannot be overcome. It does not mean the end of the world for those involved, even though it may seem like it does. Their world is certainly going to change. It may very well be completely different from what they had planned, but it can still be in accordance with the will of God.

There is, or can be, a bright future still in the offing. There must be repentance of the sin on the part of the promiscuous child. There must be love, forgiveness and acceptance of that hurting, penitent child by his or her parents, though that does not mean acceptance of their sinful activity. There must be love, forgiveness and acceptance on the part of the church. This kind of response will go a long way toward relieving this kind of pain. God knew that and for this reason designed us and His church to fill this role to ease the suffering of its saints. What a great God we have! He loves you and so, by the way, do I.

Donnie Bates