I am happy to say that I do not know anyone who enjoys arguing with a loved one. I mean a really serious argument; one that hits right down in your gut. I know lots of people who like to argue politics and I know a few who like to argue about religion. I imagine there are some who are so argumentative that they even enjoy those really distasteful and troubling kinds of arguments with those closest to them. If you are one of those who enjoy that kind of thing, please pardon me while the rest of us talk about how to deal with such an unpleasant part of our lives.
Arguments are, by definition, opposing points of view. And those who hold different views think those views are correct. Again, I do not know a single person who believes that what he believes is incorrect. No one reasons thus: "I believe the sun comes up in the West every morning because, while I know it really comes up in the East, the point of view that it comes up in the West seems so lonely that I wanted to give it my support." It is also true that sometimes our opinions and beliefs and points of view conflict and if we are not careful, and if the subject is important enough in our minds, an argument can be the result.
One of the things all human beings learn to do from the very beginning is to prioritize. Sometimes we learn that from instruction. For example, the Bible tells us what is important in life and how we may live a life pleasing to God (2 Peter 1:3; 2 Timothy 3:16, 17) and that there are priorities we should observe (Matthew 23:23). We also learn to prioritize when it comes to whose needs will be met first. A newborn has himself as his priority and that is the way God designed him. We have to learn to put others first and again, the Bible helps us with that (Philippians 2:3).
In the heat of an argument, this is a hard lesson to remember, however. Just how can we win every argument? Perhaps Jesus' example can give us an answer. Would we consider that Jesus won or lost His "contest" or "argument" with Satan? Of course, He won! But He didn't fight back, did He? He did resist temptation in the wilderness by using Scripture (Matthew 4:1-11), but when it came to the cross, He offered no resistence. He let Satan "win" (from Satan's point of view) allowing him to "bruise" His heel (Genesis 3:15) and in so doing, won the greatest victory, "bruising" the head of Satan. You see, Jesus' had as His priority, not the appearance of winning the argument, but the accomplishment of His mission - to seek and save that which was lost (Luke 19:10).
How does that apply to my winning an argument with my friend? Well, what is my priority? Is it winning the argument? Is it not appearing weak and incapable of holding my own in an argument; must I defend myself whenever I feel attacked? Or is my priority maintaining my relationship with my friend? When that relationship (or my friend) is my priority, the argument does not matter as much. Now, instead of doing anything to win the argument, I will do anything to maintain the relationship. And it matters not whose point of view is correct on this issue or that. When I humble myself in the way Scripture commands, I win every single argument, whether human witnesses agree or not!
I know this sounds overly simplistic, but do not make the mistake of thinking that this is a simple solution. It is not! It is very difficult to do. Many are they who will have difficulty giving themselves up and adopting the appearance of being wrong or weak. Another warning I feel compelled to offer is this: sometimes arguments ensue over sinful behavior and the attempt on the part of someone to address or correct that behavior in someone else. I do not at all mean to suggest that we should avoid confrontation over sin. Scripture is equally clear that an effort must be made to restore those caught up in trespass (Galatians 6:1; 1 Peter 3:15). However, the same principles apply. What is our priority? Is it pointing out the mistakes and sins of others? Or is it the preservation of a soul? If we approach this very necessary obligation in the way Scripture commands, we will be successful in winning the souls of those who will humbly submit themselves to God and His will.
I called this article "How to Win Every Argument," but it is really about winning souls and maintaining relationships. If you have to "win" and get your way in every argument or disagreement, then your priority is not the relationship you have with your "adversary." On the other hand, if that relationship is your priority, winning for real makes losing in the eyes of others a lot easier. Aren't you glad God created us this way? Well, it's only because He loves you. I love you, too!
Donnie Bates
A peaceful spring on the Macedonian side of Lake Ochrid in the Balkan Mountains
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Who Am I?
What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? (Psalm 8:4). I have thought a lot about this verse lately. In fact, I have wondered why God would take any interest at all in me personally. A good friend of mine recently reminded me that such an attitude doesn't give God much credit, because it suggests He would create something worthless. I suppose I knew that, but I think most of us realize that sometimes there is a disconnect between what our minds know and what our hearts feel.
Who am I, really? I know who I am when I describe myself by my job, by my name, by my position in my family, or the community, but when you peel all that away...who am I? I mean when it comes to considering my self worth. Not long ago someone else made it very clear to me that I am somebody worthwhile simply because of the price that was paid for me. ...knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot (1 Peter 1:18, 19). That verse means I'm somebody because Jesus died for me. All those who have submitted to Jesus in humble, obedient faith have been ransomed with this same precious commodity that is so much more valuable than perishable things like silver and gold. And it is vitally important for those who have not so submitted their lives to Christ to understand that word "ransomed" in this passage. It means if you have not submitted to Jesus in humble, obedient faith, you remain in the custody of sin. The good news is that the same blood that ransomed the saved was shed for you, too.
Who am I? I am a man of like nature with everyone else. I am weak and susceptible to temptation. Thank God for passages like 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Who am I? I am a man who fails frequently to remember that God is with me at all times. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me (Psalm 139:7-10).
Who am I? I am a man who, usually because of his own fault, suffers trials and tribulations, just like everyone else does. However, I am also a man who fails to give thanks for those opportunities to grow; in other words, I am a man who feels sorry for himself when things get a little tough. I am so thankful to God for giving me James 1:2-4: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Who am I? I am a man whose faith is often weak; who day by day seems to understand the turmoil in the mind of the apostle Paul better and better. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing...For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord...There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 7:15, 19, 22-25a; 8:1).
Who am I? I am someone just like you. I am someone who wants to do the right thing, who wants to be faithful to God, but who frequently is weak and fails miserably. However, thanks be to God that He loves you and me enough, that we both have the opportunity to rise above our own weaknesses and, through the strength of his might, we can be strong in the Lord (Ephesians 6:10). I guess that means that you and I are somebody, because God loves us. Oh, and I love you, too.
Donnie Bates
Who am I, really? I know who I am when I describe myself by my job, by my name, by my position in my family, or the community, but when you peel all that away...who am I? I mean when it comes to considering my self worth. Not long ago someone else made it very clear to me that I am somebody worthwhile simply because of the price that was paid for me. ...knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot (1 Peter 1:18, 19). That verse means I'm somebody because Jesus died for me. All those who have submitted to Jesus in humble, obedient faith have been ransomed with this same precious commodity that is so much more valuable than perishable things like silver and gold. And it is vitally important for those who have not so submitted their lives to Christ to understand that word "ransomed" in this passage. It means if you have not submitted to Jesus in humble, obedient faith, you remain in the custody of sin. The good news is that the same blood that ransomed the saved was shed for you, too.
Who am I? I am a man of like nature with everyone else. I am weak and susceptible to temptation. Thank God for passages like 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Who am I? I am a man who fails frequently to remember that God is with me at all times. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me (Psalm 139:7-10).
Who am I? I am a man who, usually because of his own fault, suffers trials and tribulations, just like everyone else does. However, I am also a man who fails to give thanks for those opportunities to grow; in other words, I am a man who feels sorry for himself when things get a little tough. I am so thankful to God for giving me James 1:2-4: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Who am I? I am a man whose faith is often weak; who day by day seems to understand the turmoil in the mind of the apostle Paul better and better. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing...For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord...There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 7:15, 19, 22-25a; 8:1).
Who am I? I am someone just like you. I am someone who wants to do the right thing, who wants to be faithful to God, but who frequently is weak and fails miserably. However, thanks be to God that He loves you and me enough, that we both have the opportunity to rise above our own weaknesses and, through the strength of his might, we can be strong in the Lord (Ephesians 6:10). I guess that means that you and I are somebody, because God loves us. Oh, and I love you, too.
Donnie Bates
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