I am convinced that one of the things that gets pushed aside and forgotten in the religious discussion of divorce today is the effect it has on the family. We may spend a lot of time discussing just exactly what Jesus meant when He gave His treatise on divorce in Matthew 19, but we rarely talk about how children of divorced parents are supposed to deal with the multitude of feelings they have.
All of us are aware of the growing problem of divorce. However, the problem really came home to me when I started driving a school bus and started getting to know a lot of kids outside our church family. I was shocked at how many kids there are whose last names were not the same as the parents they were living with and sometimes I had siblings on my bus with different last names and sometimes none of those names was the same as the household name. Since divorce is a growing problem, the pain of divorce is a growing problem. When our moms and/or dads walk out, how are we supposed to feel? What are we supposed to do? The purpose of this post is not to point fingers of accusation at divorced parents for the pain they have caused to their children; rather it is to help us listen to what God has to say to those suffering that pain. We must not forget that in so many cases, Mom and Dad feel that pain, too. The important thing to remember is that even if Daddy won't be home tonight, our heavenly Father will be!
Where was God when my parents divorced? Was it His fault? It seems there is a natural tendency for some people to blame God. It is as though they feel that the only reason God should exist is to make sure that nothing bad ever happens to them, and this feels like the worst "bad" that could happen. Scripture makes it clear, however, that suffering exists in this world because of sin, which makes it our fault, not God's. ...through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned -- (Romans 5:12). The answer to our question is, "No, it wasn't God's fault that someone divorced!" Sin was the culprit and sin is in our sphere of influence (that's a nice way of saying it was our fault). Whenever there is divorce, there is sin involved. Even in those cases where there is Scriptural reason for divorce (Matthew 19:9), sin is present on the part of the one who committed adultery.
We really ought to ask ourselves how God feels about divorce. Malachi 2:6 tells us that God hates divorce. When Jesus was explaining that there is only one Scriptural reason for divorce (Matthew 19) He said that God never intended for divorce to be practiced the way it was and the way it is now. It was always His intention that one man and one woman should live together as long as they both lived (Matthew 19:5, 6).
What are we supposed to do now? Let us first answer this question from the perspective of the children. What should our attitude be toward our divorced parents? I am thankful to God that my parents love each other as much or more now than they did when they married more than 50 years ago, but that means I do not speak from experience in answering this question. However, as most of us do, I know many who have experienced the divorce of their parents. Some of them have handled it badly and others not so much. Ephesians 6:1 tells children to obey their parents in the Lord. That command is not qualified to exclude parents who have been divorced. Nor does it allow us to choose which we will obey when the commands conflict; we cannot sin in order to be obedient to a parent (Luke 14:26; Acts 5:29). As hurt as we may feel, our attitude towards our parents should be one of love, obedience and compassion if we are still living at home. Even if one or both parents is/are guilty of some terrible sin such as adultery, drunkenness, or violence, we are not allowed to hate or hold any malice in our hearts toward them (Matthew 7:12). I know that is a lot easier said than done, but we must remember that we are never allowed to lay aside our Christianity for any reason.
If we are adult children of divorced parents the principles are basically the same. The principle of obedience has changed somewhat now that you have your own household, but the love and respect your parents were once due is still due them. On the other hand, you are not required to take sides no matter how much pressure may be put on you from one or both parents to do so. You are only required to remain on the Lord's side.
What should our attitudes be toward our estranged spouse? If your spouse has divorced you for some reason other than adultery, there is no question that you are going to experience pain. If you are the innocent party in this situation remember Jesus' offer in Matthew 11:28: "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest..." You must remember your own responsibilities concerning marriage as described in Matthew 5:32: "...but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Just as we noted above, we are not allowed the luxury of malice toward anyone, even such a spouse. If you are the guilty party in a divorce, the first thing you must do is repent of your sin and the pain you have caused your family; and by "repent" we mean true Godly sorrow as described in 2 Corinthians 7:10, 11, which means you must stop committing adultery. And, once you have changed your mind and your life from that kind of lifestyle you, too should take advantage of the comfort found only in Jesus.
What about our attitude toward our children? If you are considering divorce for any reason other than adultery, think of the pain you are going to inflict on your children (not to mention the example and lesson you are teaching them). If there is adultery involved, you still must consider those children, and then make a decision that takes into account their best interest, as well. And never forget that even in such a painful circumstance, you are teaching your children how to deal with pain. Even here you can teach them to rely on God's strength to get you through. Or, you teach them that when pain comes to this family we abandon God. I realize that this is an oversimplification of the choices involved, but even with the variety of specific options, they basically boil down to these two choices.
Well, what does all this mean to me? Can I still be a Christian? Society's view of divorce has changed much in my lifetime, but there is still a stigma associated with being divorced. However, if you are the innocent party in a divorce, there is nothing that makes you less a Christian. If you are the guilty party, you can still be a faithful Christian too, provided you repent of your sin.
Do I have to follow my parents' example? Statistics show that children of divorced parents are more likely to experience divorce in their own families, but that does not mean they have to. This is just a result (and proof) of the lessons taught in family crises. I know personally of successful and happy marriages in Christian homes that involve children of broken and dysfunctional families. I should also point out that there is some pain involved in dealing with this subject for the simple reason that some of the closest friends I have on this earth have been through this specific kind of pain, some from whom I have learned some of the principles outlined in this article and others with whom I have wept as we dealt with that pain. It is a very real problem and it is a very real pain that feels as though it will tear the hearts from our chests.
We have not dealt with every facet of the problem of divorce here, but we have tried to show that God is concerned with the pain caused by divorce. Often when a family suffers through pain this severe they take an "all-bets-are-off" kind of attitude with respect to God and Christianity. Well, God does not abandon us even when we abandon Him! When considering divorce, whether from a personal or doctrinal perspective, let us not forget the rest of what Scripture has to say on the subject. Let us not forget the commands to repent and to forgive; to love and to submit to; to use Christ's relationship with the church as our example. And even if the marriage simply cannot be salvaged, let us not lose our souls along with our marriage. God does not want that, because He loves you and I wanted to tell you that because I love you to!
Donnie Bates
A peaceful spring on the Macedonian side of Lake Ochrid in the Balkan Mountains
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
All in the Family
All families suffer pain. I would like to dedicate this and the next few posts of Barnabas Notes to the encouragement of those whose families are hurting. Often it seems that people have the idea that the only thing God has to say about our problems is, "Be good" or "You cannot have any part of Me until you solve your problems." Nothing could be further from the truth!
Virtually any discussion of the current sociopolitical climate will, at some point, come around to issues affecting families; real people just like you and me. One of the most important topics of discussion and debate in our capital right now is health care. That affects families. Part of the debate on health care deals with abortion and single parent families. Other specific issues that continue to be discussed are specific issues like gangs, drugs and "drive-by shootings"; issues that tear apart families. Politicians on both sides of the aisle want their constituents to think they are concerned with "family values." About the only thing anyone knows for sure today about families is that there is a lot of pain and many have begun to believe that there is no hope no matter where they look. And it is worse now than any of us can remember.
There has always been enough hurt to go around. Families have lost children and/or parents to illness, accident or violence as long as there have been families. Fathers and mothers and children have always "run away" from the rest of the family. There have always been family members who have suffered abuse from someone else in the family. However, it seems that family violece and suffering are on the increase. It could be that it is just reported more; or, it could be that things are just worse. The question is: "Why?" One possibility is that we are seeing the result of several decades of the effect of television. That is probably a little over-simplified, but the argument has some merit. Another possibility is the principle that "what parents excuse in moderation, children abuse in excess" as someone once said. The truth is probably a combination of these and some other factors. The next question would have to be: "What are we going to do?" Before we endeavor to answer that question, we should note that the problems of divorce, drug abuse and family violence, while not as prevalent in the church as they are in the world, are in the church, nevertheless.
In answering any of the specific problems families face, we must first lay a foundation. First, let's identify the cause of the problem. I know, we already talked about why we have this problem. However, let's go back even further, to an even more general cause of the problem. Is life just a roll of the dice...you either have good kids (or parents) or you don't? Some people believe that, but I vigorously deny it! If that were the case, we would not have Scriptures like ...fathers do not provoke your children to wrath... (Ephesians 6:4), or ...evil companions corrupt good morals... (1 Corinthians 15:33). The reason these problems that hurt and destroy families in the world, and even in the church, is because of sin on the part of someone; someone did not obey these commands and others like them. Now, what are we going to do about it?
Matthew 11:28-30 is going to play a large part in dealing with the problems families suffer through in a more specific sense: "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." The first step we must take in coming to Jesus is to repent. Regardless of whose sin has brought about the suffering the family is enduring, we must pray for God's help. We must develop an attitude that God is on our side and if we remain on His side (faithful to Him) none of these problems can overcome us. Take some time and read Romans 8:31-39. We must then diligently search the Scriptures to find God's will for dealing with the specific problems that afflict our families. In the next few posts we will be doing just that.
It has been my experience that a great number of people, even Christians, feel that when problems arise, God has somehow failed them. Others may not feel that strongly about it, but still have the idea that they will solve their problems before they approach the Lord. Well, that approach will not work in the long run. The truth of the matter is that God does not give us these problems to punish us, but He does allow us to undergo tests that will only strengthen us if we will rely on His strength to get us through. It ought to be a great source of unceasing comfort and encouragement to know that no matter what happens in your family, God stands at your elbow, ready to take on all your worries and fears and give you the only kind of comfort that helps. He wants to help ease the pain in your family because He loves you and I want you to know that because I love you, too.
Donnie Bates
Virtually any discussion of the current sociopolitical climate will, at some point, come around to issues affecting families; real people just like you and me. One of the most important topics of discussion and debate in our capital right now is health care. That affects families. Part of the debate on health care deals with abortion and single parent families. Other specific issues that continue to be discussed are specific issues like gangs, drugs and "drive-by shootings"; issues that tear apart families. Politicians on both sides of the aisle want their constituents to think they are concerned with "family values." About the only thing anyone knows for sure today about families is that there is a lot of pain and many have begun to believe that there is no hope no matter where they look. And it is worse now than any of us can remember.
There has always been enough hurt to go around. Families have lost children and/or parents to illness, accident or violence as long as there have been families. Fathers and mothers and children have always "run away" from the rest of the family. There have always been family members who have suffered abuse from someone else in the family. However, it seems that family violece and suffering are on the increase. It could be that it is just reported more; or, it could be that things are just worse. The question is: "Why?" One possibility is that we are seeing the result of several decades of the effect of television. That is probably a little over-simplified, but the argument has some merit. Another possibility is the principle that "what parents excuse in moderation, children abuse in excess" as someone once said. The truth is probably a combination of these and some other factors. The next question would have to be: "What are we going to do?" Before we endeavor to answer that question, we should note that the problems of divorce, drug abuse and family violence, while not as prevalent in the church as they are in the world, are in the church, nevertheless.
In answering any of the specific problems families face, we must first lay a foundation. First, let's identify the cause of the problem. I know, we already talked about why we have this problem. However, let's go back even further, to an even more general cause of the problem. Is life just a roll of the dice...you either have good kids (or parents) or you don't? Some people believe that, but I vigorously deny it! If that were the case, we would not have Scriptures like ...fathers do not provoke your children to wrath... (Ephesians 6:4), or ...evil companions corrupt good morals... (1 Corinthians 15:33). The reason these problems that hurt and destroy families in the world, and even in the church, is because of sin on the part of someone; someone did not obey these commands and others like them. Now, what are we going to do about it?
Matthew 11:28-30 is going to play a large part in dealing with the problems families suffer through in a more specific sense: "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." The first step we must take in coming to Jesus is to repent. Regardless of whose sin has brought about the suffering the family is enduring, we must pray for God's help. We must develop an attitude that God is on our side and if we remain on His side (faithful to Him) none of these problems can overcome us. Take some time and read Romans 8:31-39. We must then diligently search the Scriptures to find God's will for dealing with the specific problems that afflict our families. In the next few posts we will be doing just that.
It has been my experience that a great number of people, even Christians, feel that when problems arise, God has somehow failed them. Others may not feel that strongly about it, but still have the idea that they will solve their problems before they approach the Lord. Well, that approach will not work in the long run. The truth of the matter is that God does not give us these problems to punish us, but He does allow us to undergo tests that will only strengthen us if we will rely on His strength to get us through. It ought to be a great source of unceasing comfort and encouragement to know that no matter what happens in your family, God stands at your elbow, ready to take on all your worries and fears and give you the only kind of comfort that helps. He wants to help ease the pain in your family because He loves you and I want you to know that because I love you, too.
Donnie Bates
Monday, January 25, 2010
Crossing the Jordan
It has been my privilege and blessing to have had, on several occasions, the opportunity to write in tribute to a faithful brother who has passed from this life. I realize that the older I get, the more frequently this is likely to happen, but it must be understood that the admiration is genuine in each case.
On Sunday, January 24, 2010 brother Dick Logan laid down his earthly tent and stepped into eternity. It has been my blessing to know this brother almost my entire life. I remember playing against basketball and softball teams he coached when I was a youngster. As a teenager I remember him preaching in small congregations of the Lord's church in the area, always ready to help small groups of Christians who needed it. I remember him as a faithful Gospel preacher (no preacher could ask for higher praise in someone's memory). I mentioned just today to a dear friend of mine that I felt brother Dick was instrumental in my moving to Hugo, Oklahoma just over ten years ago. That move, for my family and me, proved to be pivotal in the way our lives have turned out to this point. In the last ten years, when I was able to be around him more, Dick always had an encouraging word to say to me; I never failed to be humbled by his kindness when in his presence.
Circumstances require that I be out of the country on the day his earthly remains are laid to rest. However, I know that brother Dick would say that is exactly where I need to be. Even so, at 3:00 p.m. CST on Thursday, January 28, 2010, a large part of my heart will be in a country school building in the community of Forrest Grove in Southeastern Oklahoma where family (both physical and spiritual) and friends of Dick Logan will gather to offer tributes to my friend and fellow soldier of the cross. I will not say "final respects" because respect will be paid to this faithful man every time his name is mentioned for many years to come. I pray God's richest blessings on Dick's wife Gloria and all the rest of his family.
Many who read this blog do not know Dick Logan. However, you know of others who have lived faithful lives before God according to His Word. I will close by allowing the apostle Paul to offer words of comfort and it is my wish (and I believe brother Dick would agree) that these words of comfort be applied to every family who grieves at the loss of a loved one who faithfully served Jehovah God.
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore, comfort one another with these words. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).
God loves you and so do I.
Donnie Bates
On Sunday, January 24, 2010 brother Dick Logan laid down his earthly tent and stepped into eternity. It has been my blessing to know this brother almost my entire life. I remember playing against basketball and softball teams he coached when I was a youngster. As a teenager I remember him preaching in small congregations of the Lord's church in the area, always ready to help small groups of Christians who needed it. I remember him as a faithful Gospel preacher (no preacher could ask for higher praise in someone's memory). I mentioned just today to a dear friend of mine that I felt brother Dick was instrumental in my moving to Hugo, Oklahoma just over ten years ago. That move, for my family and me, proved to be pivotal in the way our lives have turned out to this point. In the last ten years, when I was able to be around him more, Dick always had an encouraging word to say to me; I never failed to be humbled by his kindness when in his presence.
Circumstances require that I be out of the country on the day his earthly remains are laid to rest. However, I know that brother Dick would say that is exactly where I need to be. Even so, at 3:00 p.m. CST on Thursday, January 28, 2010, a large part of my heart will be in a country school building in the community of Forrest Grove in Southeastern Oklahoma where family (both physical and spiritual) and friends of Dick Logan will gather to offer tributes to my friend and fellow soldier of the cross. I will not say "final respects" because respect will be paid to this faithful man every time his name is mentioned for many years to come. I pray God's richest blessings on Dick's wife Gloria and all the rest of his family.
Many who read this blog do not know Dick Logan. However, you know of others who have lived faithful lives before God according to His Word. I will close by allowing the apostle Paul to offer words of comfort and it is my wish (and I believe brother Dick would agree) that these words of comfort be applied to every family who grieves at the loss of a loved one who faithfully served Jehovah God.
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore, comfort one another with these words. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).
God loves you and so do I.
Donnie Bates
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
My Friends
I have had a lot of cause to think about my friends and friendship in general lately. I am so blessed not to ever have any reason to feel lonely. And, yes, I fully recognize that is a blessing because so many people feel all alone. I could point out that no one should ever feel alone in this world (Psalm 139). I could do my best to convince you that you have friends who love you, but the fact of the matter is, some people feel lonely...some experience a loneliness that is overwhelming.
I have written in other posts about friendship and the healing power of ministry. My purpose here is not to rehash old articles. I find myself this evening simply thinking about my friends. I am so glad that you are part of my life! All of my life I have heard and have been taught that a Christian is never truly alone; that God and one faithful person make a majority. I do not intend to contradict that idea, but I have to say that it becomes more and more evident that my friends are God's gift to me. I can survive if all I have is Him, but I thank Him that He has given me more!
Solomon wrote: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17). To my friends I just want to say, "I love you! I pray God's richest blessings upon you. May you have the peace the surpasses all comprehension and may you ever and always know how important you are to me, but more importantly how important you are to God (John 3:16)."
Just in case anyone missed it in all of that, God loves you and so do I!
Donnie Bates
I have written in other posts about friendship and the healing power of ministry. My purpose here is not to rehash old articles. I find myself this evening simply thinking about my friends. I am so glad that you are part of my life! All of my life I have heard and have been taught that a Christian is never truly alone; that God and one faithful person make a majority. I do not intend to contradict that idea, but I have to say that it becomes more and more evident that my friends are God's gift to me. I can survive if all I have is Him, but I thank Him that He has given me more!
Solomon wrote: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17). To my friends I just want to say, "I love you! I pray God's richest blessings upon you. May you have the peace the surpasses all comprehension and may you ever and always know how important you are to me, but more importantly how important you are to God (John 3:16)."
Just in case anyone missed it in all of that, God loves you and so do I!
Donnie Bates
Sunday, January 3, 2010
What Now?
Marriage is hard! Everyone who is or has been married knows the truth of that statement. The Scriptures are full of advice and commands on how to make marriage work. The problem is, we sometimes do not listen to what the Scriptures say. The fact of the matter is, the principles I want to focus on in this post apply not only to marriage, but to other relationships, and not only to other relationships in general, but in our whole walk (life) before God; so, ultimately, we mean THE relationship that is most important in the life of each one of us and that would be our relationship with our heavenly Father.
There is some truth to the notion that life is hard. We have a somewhat irreverent modern proverb that says, "Life is hard...then you die!" For the faithful Christian, however, such a statement is not a cynical reflection, but a hope-filled statement.
In his first general epistle, the apostle Peter addressed the relationship between a husband and wife (1 Peter 3). Wives are commanded to be obedient and submissive to their husbands and in the case of a Christian woman who is married to a non-Christian man, such a faithful, Christian attitude can actually lead him to Christ. Husbands are commanded to love their wives and treat them in a very special way, as with a "weaker vessel" and as "heirs together of the grace of life" (i.e. as a fellow Christian) and he gives a warning to husbands who do not obey this command; their prayers will be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). In marriage, as in every other walk of life, if we do not obey the clear commands of Scripture, we are guilty of sin. Unlike many other sins, when we fail in this area (marriage) there is a great deal more pain and suffering evident. In a relationship as close as the marriage relationship (one flesh), the pain and injury caused by insensitivity and outright malice, whether manifested in infidelity or abuse (physical and/or verbal) is more intensely felt than in almost any other kind of sin. Well, what now? It would be easy to dwell in the past, and blame others or even ourselves, but what do I need to do right now in order to be found pleasing to God?
I cannot say this strongly enough: If you are guilty of sin in this or any other area of life, the very first thing you must do is repent and you must do so now. Do not wait until a convenient time, because a more convenient time than now will never come. That having been done, the question comes again: Now what?
The answer to that question is this: realize the true nature of what is happening. You, as a soldier of the cross, are under attack by your enemy, Satan. If you have been guilty of sin he has caused you injury, not in the hurt feelings you experience, but in the case of your yielding to temptation and committing the sin. I am referring to a spiritual injury, not a physical or emotional one. In realizing that you are a soldier of the cross, that this is a war, you should also realize that you are not a lonely sentry cut off from his or her unit. You are not in this alone. Our God has made you part of a fighting unit (the church) and you have faithful comrades in arms who will stand beside you and fight and even if in the fight we lose our lives physically, we win the fight spiritually if we remain faithful. And let us not forget that also on our side is our Dread Champion (Jeremiah 20:11). We will not lose as long as we remain on His side.
Returning to Peter's comments, notice how the apostle describes the Good Fight of living the faithful Christian life, in the context of a successful marriage. 1 Peter 3:10-12: "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."
It does not matter if that which causes you such pain today is a failed marriage, or an attack by someone else who is close to you. It does not matter if your boss has treated you unfairly, or your neighbor has taken advantage of you. Even if a teacher in your school has taken a particular interest in making your life miserable, or if you yourself are the guilty one in any of these scenarios, you can overcome. You can turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it and know that God's eyes are on you; He will not forsake you. He will not force you to repent, or take away your sins if you do not, but if you do, you will win...you will overcome. Isn't it a wonderful thing to know that God loves you? I hope it gives you some measure of comfort to know that I do, too.
Donnie Bates
There is some truth to the notion that life is hard. We have a somewhat irreverent modern proverb that says, "Life is hard...then you die!" For the faithful Christian, however, such a statement is not a cynical reflection, but a hope-filled statement.
In his first general epistle, the apostle Peter addressed the relationship between a husband and wife (1 Peter 3). Wives are commanded to be obedient and submissive to their husbands and in the case of a Christian woman who is married to a non-Christian man, such a faithful, Christian attitude can actually lead him to Christ. Husbands are commanded to love their wives and treat them in a very special way, as with a "weaker vessel" and as "heirs together of the grace of life" (i.e. as a fellow Christian) and he gives a warning to husbands who do not obey this command; their prayers will be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). In marriage, as in every other walk of life, if we do not obey the clear commands of Scripture, we are guilty of sin. Unlike many other sins, when we fail in this area (marriage) there is a great deal more pain and suffering evident. In a relationship as close as the marriage relationship (one flesh), the pain and injury caused by insensitivity and outright malice, whether manifested in infidelity or abuse (physical and/or verbal) is more intensely felt than in almost any other kind of sin. Well, what now? It would be easy to dwell in the past, and blame others or even ourselves, but what do I need to do right now in order to be found pleasing to God?
I cannot say this strongly enough: If you are guilty of sin in this or any other area of life, the very first thing you must do is repent and you must do so now. Do not wait until a convenient time, because a more convenient time than now will never come. That having been done, the question comes again: Now what?
The answer to that question is this: realize the true nature of what is happening. You, as a soldier of the cross, are under attack by your enemy, Satan. If you have been guilty of sin he has caused you injury, not in the hurt feelings you experience, but in the case of your yielding to temptation and committing the sin. I am referring to a spiritual injury, not a physical or emotional one. In realizing that you are a soldier of the cross, that this is a war, you should also realize that you are not a lonely sentry cut off from his or her unit. You are not in this alone. Our God has made you part of a fighting unit (the church) and you have faithful comrades in arms who will stand beside you and fight and even if in the fight we lose our lives physically, we win the fight spiritually if we remain faithful. And let us not forget that also on our side is our Dread Champion (Jeremiah 20:11). We will not lose as long as we remain on His side.
Returning to Peter's comments, notice how the apostle describes the Good Fight of living the faithful Christian life, in the context of a successful marriage. 1 Peter 3:10-12: "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."
It does not matter if that which causes you such pain today is a failed marriage, or an attack by someone else who is close to you. It does not matter if your boss has treated you unfairly, or your neighbor has taken advantage of you. Even if a teacher in your school has taken a particular interest in making your life miserable, or if you yourself are the guilty one in any of these scenarios, you can overcome. You can turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it and know that God's eyes are on you; He will not forsake you. He will not force you to repent, or take away your sins if you do not, but if you do, you will win...you will overcome. Isn't it a wonderful thing to know that God loves you? I hope it gives you some measure of comfort to know that I do, too.
Donnie Bates
Monday, December 28, 2009
"If You Only Knew..."
First of all, I want to thank Tim Lewis for giving me the idea for this post. As is often the case when one is preaching the Message of God's Word to an audience, a grain of truth finds its way into a heart in a way that the messenger may not be aware of or even intended. In pointing out the sad truth that some have a hard time believing that God could love them because their sin is so grievous, I was encouraged to think of my own life and admit what I knew to be true, but, like everyone else, sometimes have a hard time remembering. God loves me! Thanks, Tim.
Guilt is a good thing...with some qualifications. This is such a radical idea in this day and age, that some may actually stop reading right here. Please do not!! Some have the idea that guilt is the greatest of evils. The television is full of preachers who preach that guilt should be the furthest thing from your mind; that Jesus died to absolve you of all guilt. Well, that is only part of the story.
Yes, Jesus did come into this world bringing salvation to all men (Titus 2:11); however, that salvation is offered conditionally (i.e. on the condition that we respond to that offer in faithful obedience and faithful obedience as God has defined it in His Word). What does that have to do with guilt? Guilt is built into us by God and is a good thing when allowed to function as He intended. And that function is to help us humble ourselves before God. Guilt reminds me that I am a sinner and that when I approach the throne of God, "I am a man of unclean lips" (Isaiah 6:5). I do not deserve to be in His presence; I do not deserve His grace. Thanks be to God, however, that He does not act on my behalf based on what I deserve, but on His own love toward me!
Here is the message I want to leave you with today. You may very well think that your sin is so bad that God could not possibly forgive you, never mind love you, but you are wrong. You may think it bold of me to say that, but it's true. Do you find yourself in a cycle of sin that has you feeling guilty, sincerely repenting and then, after a period of time, returning to the same sin? I do! When I consider my life, I remember that Jesus promised to "vomit out" of His mouth the lukewarm Christian (Revelation 3:16 NKJV). My guilt sometimes makes me think He must surely have me in mind because that is what I think of myself.
It is somewhat like the husband that gets angry and beats his wife. We have all seen this guy on television (sometimes reality TV). We do not have much pity for someone who would do that, and we really don't understand why his wife will defend him and then forgive him and take him back when he comes in tears and apologizes and promises to never do it again. Please do not misunderstand me to be defending such behavior!! If you are like me, when you see that guy on TV, you think to yourself when he apologizes, or she defends him, "Yeah, right!" We know he will do it again, don't we? When I sin, I feel like I'm that guy!
We think we have people figured out...that we know someone (e.g. like the wife-beater who will do it again). We don't buy their apologies or penitence one little bit!! And I have committed certain sins so many times that God must surely think the very same thing of me. If I am so disgusted with myself, He must be, too. The fact of the matter is, God does know me. He knows the sincerity of my heart, the self-loathing I feel when I come to Him in penitent prayer, asking - no begging - for His forgiveness. When I have Godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:10), He knows the truth about whether there is "longing" in my heart to be right with Him, or if there is really is a "zeal" about my desire to be right with Him (2 Corinthians 7:11).
Well, it makes me feel a little better to know that I do not have to worry that I was not convincing enough to God when I repented. I am left with the acknowledgement of my weakness and a need for His strength to keep fighting to overcome the temptation to commit that certain sin.
I truly love the people in my life who say nice things about me; who tell me they admire this or that thing about me. However, every time I hear a compliment, a part of my mind thinks, "If you only knew..." and the self-loathing is there, always there, ready to bind that heavy ball and chain of guilt to my ankle. I feel its weight and I feel its threat to overwhelm me. Another preacher many years ago reminded me of something that I have tried to repeat as often as I can. We all realize the most difficult person to forgive is...yourself. The fact of the matter is: forgiveness is not my job! Forgiveness of me is God's job; my job is repentance and faithful obedience to His will. So, I must do my job and let God do His!!
Friend, do not give up in despair and hopelessness when you find yourself in that cycle of sin. God knows you and your heart and He knew it before the foundations of the earth; Jesus knew it when He submitted Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death on a cross (Philippians 2:5ff). A word of caution: He does not forgive sins when we do not repent, but if you will submit yourself to His will as He has instructed in His Word, you do not have to worry about convincing Him of your sincerity. If you are sincere, He knows!!
I hope that gives you some encouragement this morning. The weight you carry is not one that is heavier than anyone else's. We have all been there and many of us are still there (1 Corinthians 10:13a). I hope you can begin the new year with the realization that God loves you and I really want you to know that I love you, too. God bless you!
Donnie Bates
Guilt is a good thing...with some qualifications. This is such a radical idea in this day and age, that some may actually stop reading right here. Please do not!! Some have the idea that guilt is the greatest of evils. The television is full of preachers who preach that guilt should be the furthest thing from your mind; that Jesus died to absolve you of all guilt. Well, that is only part of the story.
Yes, Jesus did come into this world bringing salvation to all men (Titus 2:11); however, that salvation is offered conditionally (i.e. on the condition that we respond to that offer in faithful obedience and faithful obedience as God has defined it in His Word). What does that have to do with guilt? Guilt is built into us by God and is a good thing when allowed to function as He intended. And that function is to help us humble ourselves before God. Guilt reminds me that I am a sinner and that when I approach the throne of God, "I am a man of unclean lips" (Isaiah 6:5). I do not deserve to be in His presence; I do not deserve His grace. Thanks be to God, however, that He does not act on my behalf based on what I deserve, but on His own love toward me!
Here is the message I want to leave you with today. You may very well think that your sin is so bad that God could not possibly forgive you, never mind love you, but you are wrong. You may think it bold of me to say that, but it's true. Do you find yourself in a cycle of sin that has you feeling guilty, sincerely repenting and then, after a period of time, returning to the same sin? I do! When I consider my life, I remember that Jesus promised to "vomit out" of His mouth the lukewarm Christian (Revelation 3:16 NKJV). My guilt sometimes makes me think He must surely have me in mind because that is what I think of myself.
It is somewhat like the husband that gets angry and beats his wife. We have all seen this guy on television (sometimes reality TV). We do not have much pity for someone who would do that, and we really don't understand why his wife will defend him and then forgive him and take him back when he comes in tears and apologizes and promises to never do it again. Please do not misunderstand me to be defending such behavior!! If you are like me, when you see that guy on TV, you think to yourself when he apologizes, or she defends him, "Yeah, right!" We know he will do it again, don't we? When I sin, I feel like I'm that guy!
We think we have people figured out...that we know someone (e.g. like the wife-beater who will do it again). We don't buy their apologies or penitence one little bit!! And I have committed certain sins so many times that God must surely think the very same thing of me. If I am so disgusted with myself, He must be, too. The fact of the matter is, God does know me. He knows the sincerity of my heart, the self-loathing I feel when I come to Him in penitent prayer, asking - no begging - for His forgiveness. When I have Godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:10), He knows the truth about whether there is "longing" in my heart to be right with Him, or if there is really is a "zeal" about my desire to be right with Him (2 Corinthians 7:11).
Well, it makes me feel a little better to know that I do not have to worry that I was not convincing enough to God when I repented. I am left with the acknowledgement of my weakness and a need for His strength to keep fighting to overcome the temptation to commit that certain sin.
I truly love the people in my life who say nice things about me; who tell me they admire this or that thing about me. However, every time I hear a compliment, a part of my mind thinks, "If you only knew..." and the self-loathing is there, always there, ready to bind that heavy ball and chain of guilt to my ankle. I feel its weight and I feel its threat to overwhelm me. Another preacher many years ago reminded me of something that I have tried to repeat as often as I can. We all realize the most difficult person to forgive is...yourself. The fact of the matter is: forgiveness is not my job! Forgiveness of me is God's job; my job is repentance and faithful obedience to His will. So, I must do my job and let God do His!!
Friend, do not give up in despair and hopelessness when you find yourself in that cycle of sin. God knows you and your heart and He knew it before the foundations of the earth; Jesus knew it when He submitted Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death on a cross (Philippians 2:5ff). A word of caution: He does not forgive sins when we do not repent, but if you will submit yourself to His will as He has instructed in His Word, you do not have to worry about convincing Him of your sincerity. If you are sincere, He knows!!
I hope that gives you some encouragement this morning. The weight you carry is not one that is heavier than anyone else's. We have all been there and many of us are still there (1 Corinthians 10:13a). I hope you can begin the new year with the realization that God loves you and I really want you to know that I love you, too. God bless you!
Donnie Bates
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Happy Holidays?
As I told you in my last post, this is my favorite time of the year, and that is true for several reasons. However, I must number myself among those who grows tired of the commercialization of Christmas (along with a growing number of other holidays, it seems). Still, I look forward to the time I get to spend with family and just the general atmosphere of good will.
There are many people, however, who do not view the holiday season with the same attitude. Statistics tell us that a great many people dread this time of year. Some experts say that depression tends to increase around the holidays for some people, due to a variety of factors. The loss of a loved one, the lack of family to spend time with, or the stress of interacting with family can all exacerbate a feeling of depression specifically at this time of year. I know this problem is real. My family lost a loved one at Christmas time a few years ago and, while I believe we have coped with that loss, I'm not sure we have completely recovered, or are supposed to. So, I do not mean any of this to sound patronizing.
Wait a minute! I thought this was supposed to be a note of encouragement!! So far, it's been a little on the discouraging side.
How can we encourage those who find themselves discouraged during this "most wonderful time of the year"? (I love that song, by the way). Dealing with any of these stressors is difficult enough without the whole world (it seems) ramping up the cheer and happiness around us. The common denominator in this list seems to be loneliness. Every time anyone talks about what Christmas means to them, at some point they are going to say that they love the time spent with family. I said that myself just a minute ago. So, if I'm the one who doesn't have anyone to spend time with, my load just got a lot heavier to carry.
This is not the end of the post, but I'm going to jump in here with a "God loves you" to help take some of the weight off your shoulders. When Jesus said, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden..." (Matthew 11:28ff) there is a very definite application to the religious leaders who "bind heavy burdens that are hard to bear and lay them on men's shoulders" (Matthew 23:4). However, it seems to me that the burden carried by those discouraged in life and which tempts them to give up on life itself, or to allow their discouragement to overcome them and cause them to sink further into depression, is a burden that can be lifted with the help of Jesus. When the apostle Paul said that God is faithful and will provide a way of escape from every temptation, so that we need not be overcome by it (1 Corinthians 10:13), would that not include the temptation to allow the burden of loneliness to overcome us? Of course it would!!
One stressor we left out of our list is that of guilt. You see, many of those who suffer at this time of year are Christians. The fact that they are people means they are susceptible to the same kinds of temptations, pressures and discouragement that everyone else is. However, along with that, there is sometimes the feeling that since they are Christians, they're not supposed to be down or depressed. And when they are, they feel guilty. Let me encourage you not to let guilt overcome you. Look for that way of escape that Paul promised would be there. Find some way to minister to someone else. That is God's design to help the new creature be healed when he is hurt spiritually. Time and time again Jesus was wounded in spirit by the pressure of this life and every time, He looked on a multitude and felt compassion on them and ministered to them. Look through the archives of this blog to find a post entitled "The Healing Power of Ministry."
Whether I know you personally or not, I know that God loves you; He loves you enough that He sent His only begotten Son to die so that you can have eternal life where there will be no more suffering of any kind, if you will accept His offer on His terms (John 3:16; Revelation 21:4; John 14:15). And even if I do not know you, I love you enough to want to tell you that. I hope that this note will help ease your pain in some way. I know that I am strengthened and encouraged in the attempt. Find someone you can do the same with today. Make this holiday season the beginning of a new life for yourself. Don't focus on yourself, but on others, and don't stop when the trees and lights come down. Once again, God loves you and so do I.
Donnie Bates
There are many people, however, who do not view the holiday season with the same attitude. Statistics tell us that a great many people dread this time of year. Some experts say that depression tends to increase around the holidays for some people, due to a variety of factors. The loss of a loved one, the lack of family to spend time with, or the stress of interacting with family can all exacerbate a feeling of depression specifically at this time of year. I know this problem is real. My family lost a loved one at Christmas time a few years ago and, while I believe we have coped with that loss, I'm not sure we have completely recovered, or are supposed to. So, I do not mean any of this to sound patronizing.
Wait a minute! I thought this was supposed to be a note of encouragement!! So far, it's been a little on the discouraging side.
How can we encourage those who find themselves discouraged during this "most wonderful time of the year"? (I love that song, by the way). Dealing with any of these stressors is difficult enough without the whole world (it seems) ramping up the cheer and happiness around us. The common denominator in this list seems to be loneliness. Every time anyone talks about what Christmas means to them, at some point they are going to say that they love the time spent with family. I said that myself just a minute ago. So, if I'm the one who doesn't have anyone to spend time with, my load just got a lot heavier to carry.
This is not the end of the post, but I'm going to jump in here with a "God loves you" to help take some of the weight off your shoulders. When Jesus said, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden..." (Matthew 11:28ff) there is a very definite application to the religious leaders who "bind heavy burdens that are hard to bear and lay them on men's shoulders" (Matthew 23:4). However, it seems to me that the burden carried by those discouraged in life and which tempts them to give up on life itself, or to allow their discouragement to overcome them and cause them to sink further into depression, is a burden that can be lifted with the help of Jesus. When the apostle Paul said that God is faithful and will provide a way of escape from every temptation, so that we need not be overcome by it (1 Corinthians 10:13), would that not include the temptation to allow the burden of loneliness to overcome us? Of course it would!!
One stressor we left out of our list is that of guilt. You see, many of those who suffer at this time of year are Christians. The fact that they are people means they are susceptible to the same kinds of temptations, pressures and discouragement that everyone else is. However, along with that, there is sometimes the feeling that since they are Christians, they're not supposed to be down or depressed. And when they are, they feel guilty. Let me encourage you not to let guilt overcome you. Look for that way of escape that Paul promised would be there. Find some way to minister to someone else. That is God's design to help the new creature be healed when he is hurt spiritually. Time and time again Jesus was wounded in spirit by the pressure of this life and every time, He looked on a multitude and felt compassion on them and ministered to them. Look through the archives of this blog to find a post entitled "The Healing Power of Ministry."
Whether I know you personally or not, I know that God loves you; He loves you enough that He sent His only begotten Son to die so that you can have eternal life where there will be no more suffering of any kind, if you will accept His offer on His terms (John 3:16; Revelation 21:4; John 14:15). And even if I do not know you, I love you enough to want to tell you that. I hope that this note will help ease your pain in some way. I know that I am strengthened and encouraged in the attempt. Find someone you can do the same with today. Make this holiday season the beginning of a new life for yourself. Don't focus on yourself, but on others, and don't stop when the trees and lights come down. Once again, God loves you and so do I.
Donnie Bates
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