What Now?

Marriage is hard! Everyone who is or has been married knows the truth of that statement. The Scriptures are full of advice and commands on how to make marriage work. The problem is, we sometimes do not listen to what the Scriptures say. The fact of the matter is, the principles I want to focus on in this post apply not only to marriage, but to other relationships, and not only to other relationships in general, but in our whole walk (life) before God; so, ultimately, we mean THE relationship that is most important in the life of each one of us and that would be our relationship with our heavenly Father.

There is some truth to the notion that life is hard. We have a somewhat irreverent modern proverb that says, "Life is hard...then you die!" For the faithful Christian, however, such a statement is not a cynical reflection, but a hope-filled statement.

In his first general epistle, the apostle Peter addressed the relationship between a husband and wife (1 Peter 3). Wives are commanded to be obedient and submissive to their husbands and in the case of a Christian woman who is married to a non-Christian man, such a faithful, Christian attitude can actually lead him to Christ. Husbands are commanded to love their wives and treat them in a very special way, as with a "weaker vessel" and as "heirs together of the grace of life" (i.e. as a fellow Christian) and he gives a warning to husbands who do not obey this command; their prayers will be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). In marriage, as in every other walk of life, if we do not obey the clear commands of Scripture, we are guilty of sin. Unlike many other sins, when we fail in this area (marriage) there is a great deal more pain and suffering evident. In a relationship as close as the marriage relationship (one flesh), the pain and injury caused by insensitivity and outright malice, whether manifested in infidelity or abuse (physical and/or verbal) is more intensely felt than in almost any other kind of sin. Well, what now? It would be easy to dwell in the past, and blame others or even ourselves, but what do I need to do right now in order to be found pleasing to God?

I cannot say this strongly enough: If you are guilty of sin in this or any other area of life, the very first thing you must do is repent and you must do so now. Do not wait until a convenient time, because a more convenient time than now will never come. That having been done, the question comes again: Now what?

The answer to that question is this: realize the true nature of what is happening. You, as a soldier of the cross, are under attack by your enemy, Satan. If you have been guilty of sin he has caused you injury, not in the hurt feelings you experience, but in the case of your yielding to temptation and committing the sin. I am referring to a spiritual injury, not a physical or emotional one. In realizing that you are a soldier of the cross, that this is a war, you should also realize that you are not a lonely sentry cut off from his or her unit. You are not in this alone. Our God has made you part of a fighting unit (the church) and you have faithful comrades in arms who will stand beside you and fight and even if in the fight we lose our lives physically, we win the fight spiritually if we remain faithful. And let us not forget that also on our side is our Dread Champion (Jeremiah 20:11). We will not lose as long as we remain on His side.

Returning to Peter's comments, notice how the apostle describes the Good Fight of living the faithful Christian life, in the context of a successful marriage. 1 Peter 3:10-12: "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

It does not matter if that which causes you such pain today is a failed marriage, or an attack by someone else who is close to you. It does not matter if your boss has treated you unfairly, or your neighbor has taken advantage of you. Even if a teacher in your school has taken a particular interest in making your life miserable, or if you yourself are the guilty one in any of these scenarios, you can overcome. You can turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it and know that God's eyes are on you; He will not forsake you. He will not force you to repent, or take away your sins if you do not, but if you do, you will win...you will overcome. Isn't it a wonderful thing to know that God loves you? I hope it gives you some measure of comfort to know that I do, too.

Donnie Bates