How to Win Every Argument

I am happy to say that I do not know anyone who enjoys arguing with a loved one. I mean a really serious argument; one that hits right down in your gut. I know lots of people who like to argue politics and I know a few who like to argue about religion. I imagine there are some who are so argumentative that they even enjoy those really distasteful and troubling kinds of arguments with those closest to them. If you are one of those who enjoy that kind of thing, please pardon me while the rest of us talk about how to deal with such an unpleasant part of our lives.

Arguments are, by definition, opposing points of view. And those who hold different views think those views are correct. Again, I do not know a single person who believes that what he believes is incorrect. No one reasons thus: "I believe the sun comes up in the West every morning because, while I know it really comes up in the East, the point of view that it comes up in the West seems so lonely that I wanted to give it my support." It is also true that sometimes our opinions and beliefs and points of view conflict and if we are not careful, and if the subject is important enough in our minds, an argument can be the result.

One of the things all human beings learn to do from the very beginning is to prioritize. Sometimes we learn that from instruction. For example, the Bible tells us what is important in life and how we may live a life pleasing to God (2 Peter 1:3; 2 Timothy 3:16, 17) and that there are priorities we should observe (Matthew 23:23). We also learn to prioritize when it comes to whose needs will be met first. A newborn has himself as his priority and that is the way God designed him. We have to learn to put others first and again, the Bible helps us with that (Philippians 2:3).

In the heat of an argument, this is a hard lesson to remember, however. Just how can we win every argument? Perhaps Jesus' example can give us an answer. Would we consider that Jesus won or lost His "contest" or "argument" with Satan? Of course, He won! But He didn't fight back, did He? He did resist temptation in the wilderness by using Scripture (Matthew 4:1-11), but when it came to the cross, He offered no resistence. He let Satan "win" (from Satan's point of view) allowing him to "bruise" His heel (Genesis 3:15) and in so doing, won the greatest victory, "bruising" the head of Satan. You see, Jesus' had as His priority, not the appearance of winning the argument, but the accomplishment of His mission - to seek and save that which was lost (Luke 19:10).

How does that apply to my winning an argument with my friend? Well, what is my priority? Is it winning the argument? Is it not appearing weak and incapable of holding my own in an argument; must I defend myself whenever I feel attacked? Or is my priority maintaining my relationship with my friend? When that relationship (or my friend) is my priority, the argument does not matter as much. Now, instead of doing anything to win the argument, I will do anything to maintain the relationship. And it matters not whose point of view is correct on this issue or that. When I humble myself in the way Scripture commands, I win every single argument, whether human witnesses agree or not!

I know this sounds overly simplistic, but do not make the mistake of thinking that this is a simple solution. It is not! It is very difficult to do. Many are they who will have difficulty giving themselves up and adopting the appearance of being wrong or weak. Another warning I feel compelled to offer is this: sometimes arguments ensue over sinful behavior and the attempt on the part of someone to address or correct that behavior in someone else. I do not at all mean to suggest that we should avoid confrontation over sin. Scripture is equally clear that an effort must be made to restore those caught up in trespass (Galatians 6:1; 1 Peter 3:15). However, the same principles apply. What is our priority? Is it pointing out the mistakes and sins of others? Or is it the preservation of a soul? If we approach this very necessary obligation in the way Scripture commands, we will be successful in winning the souls of those who will humbly submit themselves to God and His will.

I called this article "How to Win Every Argument," but it is really about winning souls and maintaining relationships. If you have to "win" and get your way in every argument or disagreement, then your priority is not the relationship you have with your "adversary." On the other hand, if that relationship is your priority, winning for real makes losing in the eyes of others a lot easier. Aren't you glad God created us this way? Well, it's only because He loves you. I love you, too!

Donnie Bates